You are required to take the piss at all possible opportunities
You should be prepared to retaliate in kind when having the piss taken out of you
You will split t
he fuel cost for a trip in any way you think you can get away with
Any expenditure on a trip when split among Club Members will be rounded to the nearest appropriate denomination likely to be carried by Club Members
You will own up to your own farts
You will not needlessly draw attention to the foulness of the farts of others; especially not until such time as the tearful smarting has subsided
You will not let Carl use the toilet until everyone else has finished using it
On Club weekends you will not wash needlessly
If you engage in any of the following activities make sure you are never caught doing it; sniffing wetsuits, plaiting your chest hair, getting lost, listing your lists, forgetting your ice-axe, repeatedly rereading your own e-mails
Think long and hard before you turn up at a pub without your wallet; it is not possible to lose your wallet on the way to the pub, so such an excuse is simply not credible
Driving whilst under the influence of drink is not acceptable; drinking whilst under influence of certain Members’ driving is probably wise
You will mercilessly take the piss out of Stuart’s stupid hat
You must never be photographed with Tricky when he is wearing his lycra running tights
You will count failing to summit a mountain only as successfully finding a reason to return to that mountain
You will not spend the night in a bivvi bag and wake up claiming that you had a good night’s sleep
During inclement weather you will shop
Being a small child is no excuse for not attempting death defying rock climbs, caves or other extreme sports
Don’t knock it until you have tried it; once you’ve tried it you need never try it again and you can knock it with impunity (notwithstanding any of the restrictions)
